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The Queen Who Mopped X-Mas
The Queen Who Mopped X-Mas is the ninth episode of Season 1A of The Family, and the ninth episode overall. It was released on December 13, 2015 - read it here: Main Cast Queen Steph as Steph Melanie Martinez as Isabela Idekmandy as Mandy Mandy Fitzpatrick as Criminal Victoria Smurfit as Claire Jessica Alba as Jessica Lentimassu as Lenti Tomdy as Tomdy Dodo as Dodo Binkx as Binkx Oliver as Oliver Natsu as Natsu Episode BELA: (voiceover) I think it's common knowlodge that I love Drag Queens. BELA: (voiceover) HOWEVER, it's not MY fault that bitches keep interrupting my RuPaul's Drag Race watching sessions - I mean, why even bother to come and talk to me about your AIDS, or your pregnancy, or your Whiskhas Saché or whatever, when you KNOW THAT I'M BUSY THAT I'M WATCHING GOD'S REALITY SHOW?!!?!?!? BELA: (voiceover) And, after having to choose between watching Season 3, 4 our 6, I just decided to do a marathon of all of them. And, of course, something had to go wrong. BELA: (voiceover) Right in the middle of RuPalcalypse Now Tom just had to interrupt the episode by running into my bedroom and locking the door. TOM: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH BELA: what TOM: thAT CAT THING IS CHASING ME BELA: wtf????? BELA: ok whatever watch this with me TOM: what's that BELA: rupauls drag race TOM: ew drag queens BELA: you have no other alternative Bela proceeded to make Tom watch all episodes of RuPaul's Drag Race, seasons 4 and 6. Meanwhile, in the living room...STEPH: what is happening upstairs LENTI: Apparently Bela is doing that drag thing again with Tom STEPH: ok I don't care DODO: faggot chill chill whore slut BINKX: go choke on a dick dodo !!! DODO: what did you just say Binkx fled, scared, and screaming "the bad man is going to get me!!!"NATSU: aaaaah DODO: little gay bitch bich slut cracker OLIVER: what is happening DODO: shut up porcelain OLIVER: this is not how we handle things in the pageant circuit DODO: how do they handle it? you guys drink tea an- Oliver jumped on Dodo and started to fight.CLAIRE: *sigh* I remember when men used to fight like that for me... JESSICA: back in Puerto Rico, men made lines to see me... in this country, nobody sees me! CLAIRE: I KNOW WHAT TO DO JESSICA: ?!!!?!?!?!?1??!?!?! CLAIRE: I'LL TRAIN YOU TO BE LIKE ME! JESSICA: ok JESSICA: do I have to become an alcoholic too CLAIRE: FIRST STEP: SILLICONE IMPLANTS JESSICA: ok Tom gets home, and has something to tell his wife... MANDY: hey waifu TOM: mandy I need you to put make-up on me MANDY: what TOM: I'm going to a bar as a drag queen today TOM: my name will be ariana MANDY: I'm divorcing you TOM: I'M MAKE-UPPING MYSELF THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MANDY: get out of my house TOM: YOU'RE BEING REALLY DRAGPHOBIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tom returns to Steph's house, while Mandy gets pissed.DODO: everyone is a fucking faggot fucking bitches NATSU: a- DODO: you're a fat fuck Natsu runs away, crying.TOM: SOMEONE WHO CAN DO MAKE-UP JESSICA: what do you want TOM: Can you do make-up JESSICA: yes TOM: makeup me JESSICA: why TOM: because I'm a drag queen and my name is Ariana Hefford JESSICA: ok TOM: yay!!!! BELA: whats happening BELA: what is this JESSICA: stop being a bitch BELA: I'm not a bitch, I'm America's sweetheart. JESSICA: no that's beyoncé BELA: did you implying that beyoncé is a bitch JESSICA: CALM DOWN BEYONCÉ BELA: ok whatever so what's happening TOM: I'm Ariana Hefford BELA: woiw you look ugly af TOM: NO, I DON'T BELA: true i'm just a bitch JESSICA: I agree BELA: fuck off JESSICA: no TOM: I'm going to the drag bar xxx BELA: ok I hope you die TOM: same BELA: kiss me before you go TOM: kiss kiss bye BELA: when will my husband return from the war JESSICA: you're not married BELA: true Micayla died :( BELA: I NEED TO GET BACK ON THE GAME!!! JESSICA: I'm not helping you bye BELA: wait look at my dance moves JESSICA: get a life BELA: choke on a dick JESSICA: ok ill see your dance moves BELA: ok watch me sing JESSICA: you said dance moves BELA: don't tell me this is the first time you've been lied to JESSICA: I'm leaving, You suck. BELA: come at me scrublord I'm ripped xx JESSICA: ???? BELA: MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY STEPH: what do you want BELA: stay here with me mommy ♥ STEPH: ok I guess STEPH: I'll be on my phone though so bye BELA: but I put on this pretty outfit look at me spray glitter STEPH: who let you buy this drag bullshit BELA: you STEPH: not anymore BELA: try me STEPH: not in the mood bye BELA: ok :s TOM: I'm back BELA: how was it TOM: REALLY GOOD BUT I'M NEVER DOING IT AGAIN BELA: why TOM: because everyone was prettier than me BELA: ok CRIMINAL: '''Helloo.... omg drag queens '''BELA: What '''CRIMINAL: '''Eh Okay bye Category:Episodes Category:Season 1 Category:Season 1A